Getting Mom into the shower and actually accomplishing getting the entire shower is a BIG job!
First it's:
"You are going to get a shower, Ma."
"What?"
I notice her hearing aid is kaput. So I have to try to get it away from her by gesturing to my ears and her ears and holding out my hand. It needs a new battery.
"What?" With puzzled look. She also cannot see very well at all.
"Hearing aid!" I say in my 'she can't hear anything' deep loud voice. Now I feel like I am yelling at her. I'm sure our neighbors in this apartment building can hear me. Beginning of unwarranted elder abuse guilt trip. The speech therapy lady TOLD me to talk this way to Mom. Shut up over-active conscience!
"What?"
Smacks myself in head. Then I tap her ear so she will give me the hearing aid.
Finally she does. I go off to put in new battery. Time elapsed for shower 10 minutes.
Getting her up for the shower.
First we have to get her usually very wet and or poopy undergarment off. Sloppy..I will spare you all the tiny details for now. If you are a caregiver you know all about this.
"Ma, let's get into the shower."
She can hear me slightly with the now functioning hearing aid. She s....l...o....w...l..y gets her legs over the side of the bed and s....l...o....w...l..y
tries to get into her wheelchair to get her into the bathroom.
"I can't get up!"
She was able to get up a few hours ago all by herself when I was trying to sleep to bang on my door and say "Are you ill?" Me: "No! I'm sleeping!" Ma: "What!" Etc.
So NOW she says she can't get up. So I say what the nurses told me to say because she pulled this on them when she was last interred...er...in the nursing home. I say:
"Yes you can."
After much quite dramatic struggling that could win her an Oscar Ma finally gets into her wheelchair and I maneuver her into the really-too-small bathroom that has a number of grab bars, a bathtub bench, a grabby thing clamped on the tub,
a toilet surrounding commode with arms to grab and I can't remember what else but it's like I own a medical supply store here.
Ma: "I can't get up!"
Sigh. The whole "yes you can" with under-arm assist from me(along with wrenching my bad back) and with an amount of pee (her's) escaping while she makes the transfer either to the actual shower bench or usually to the toilet for a rather prolonged sit there for necessary (suddenly) business.
After necessary business and clean up is done its back to get in the tub time.
"I can't get up!" Ad infinitum till she IS maneuvered to tub bench. S....l...o....w...l..y she gets her legs into the actual tub. (Yes I know we need a wheel-in shower. Don't have it. WANT it!) Time elapsed for shower aprox. one half hour.
Getting the water to the right temperature:
Rarely ever accomplished. Have to settle for somewhere between tepid and too hot. Ma tries to grab the shower spray thing from me. "No. First I wash your hair."
"What?" Her hearing aids are out because they can't be gotten wet.
I just start shampooing her hair. She likes this so she stops whatting.
Proceed to wash her back with wash-cloth and soap while she persists in holding the sprayer over her shoulder onto her back. Whatever...I get it done. Then she is given control of the sprayer and wash-clothe to clean the rest of herself. Hopefully. I remind her which parts need washing.
"What?"
Oh well. I leave her to it and hope for the best. Time elapsed...45 minutes.
After ten or so minutes of her basically just holding the shower spray over her back with a minute amount of washing she calls me giving me about 1/2 a second to respond. She calls me again as I get to the bathroom which is a massive five feet from where I was waiting for her to call.
I turn off the water and dry her hair with the hair drying towel then let her dry some of herself off. Not much. I help her dry her back. Give her extra towel.
Now it is time to get out of the tub.
Yep. She can't get up. Much drama. Another Academy Award. Finally she is onto the toilet again. More production of what is usually produced there. Clean up. Then getting her into a new undergarment. Awkward and my back is now pretty much unbendable. Getting new nighty on Ma. Getting her into wheelchair. DRAMA! Get her to brush her teeth and comb her hair. Time elapsed for shower...over one hour...at least!
Then it's out to her lift chair in the living room that she still can't operate with the lit up remote that is right there attached to the chair arm. More can't get up drama and then she is in the chair with her sweater and lap cover in place. Now she is happy and clean and I need to go to a rest home for a break.
To be continued.......
